um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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