my phone needs a breathalizer
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
