His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
