i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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