If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just tell him i said nine months
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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