I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
