i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
