i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
