...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
