i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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