at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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