nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
