PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
