proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
