You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
