Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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