I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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