Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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