I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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