in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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