Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
