i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
