why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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