Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
