Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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