Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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