Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
