what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
