Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
