This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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