Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
