You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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