This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
