Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize