Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
