she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
