I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
