I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
