explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
