we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
