Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
