first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
