and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
pray to the hookup gods
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
