ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
