kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
