Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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