I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
