Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
