I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize