Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
