i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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