I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
