dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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