who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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