All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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