her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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