So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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