We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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