I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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