saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
