mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
