mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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