he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
