My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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