1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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