imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sorry my hands just texted you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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