Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
