im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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