Redeem this text for a blowjob
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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