I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
