Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
why is half of my head shaved?
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