Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
