At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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