home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
