i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
