Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
