Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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