This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
