worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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