I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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