i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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