Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
