I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
